To my ex-bf:
You are like my dad in the sense that I still care for you and would worry if something happened. I don't know what real love is yet for anyone outside of my own family. I know that I love my family, but this feeling wasn't so before I came to college. I did not know or understand how to love my family or how to really cherish them. Now I do and that is a precious thing to me--that I can understand how wonderful and great my family is to me. I know that I would be devastated if something bad happened to you. But I realize how much I don't want to talk to you (although I do want to) because of the past hurt. I'd like to protect my heart too. I need to, because I want to live. I have to take care of myself. As for my father, he means a lot to me even though he is no longer around. I know now that I also love him. Maybe I love you too but I have to wait and see. Even if we will never be together in the future or run into each other, I'd be happy all the same if you will have a good life of your own. I am praying that somehow God will open up my dad's heart and that he will be able to see the good things around him. I want him to realize that I will try to grow and change for the better so that one day I will be strong enough to protect my own heart but at the same time find trust in those who I care about most.
I am determined to grow in faith, love, and anything that God will bless me with.
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