Observational

As days pass by I I feel a little bit more settled down. I'm beginning to see the fast changes and movements taking place outside of my own body - nothing that I can stop from happening. Everyone is moving in a certain direction that they themselves do not even know where it is that they're going. Yet, we come together. We touch one another's lives. We give influence. It's interesting to know that those who never thought that they would help people end up making a big difference in someone else's life just by being who they are.

What's been burdening my heart is that I tend to think a lot on my past experiences and it can be so random that I wonder why I ever even thought of it in the first place. Of course, there are times when I think 'Why did I do that?' or 'What difference would that make?' or 'Why did I care?'. But in the end, they merely become memories - ones that can either torture you because you want to keep analyzing or simply become something that had happened.

There will be days when I feel like I'm talking unintelligibly because I just cannot understand and so attempt to think about a perspective but still cannot form a real, meaningful idea. But that is because I do not know or understand. Rather than pose an answer, maybe I should try to pose a question instead; or listen on.

I have a question now. Why do we feel embarrassed or ashamed? Is it because we have done something wrong or said something that is inappropriate? But then again, there are many people these days who say inappropriate things who still are not embarrassed. I need to not worry so much about what I say at times, since I honestly am still inquiring things on my own. I think even through little mistakes of seeing yourself doing 'inappropriate' things, you should recognize why it is that you consider it inappropriate - whether or not believe it is so because of society or simply because you feel that continuing your ways would negatively impact someone. Now it makes me wonder if having a negative image on either parties - yourself or the other person- is worse. I think affecting either or still hurts. When I think a little more about it, when it negatively impacts God, then it has more weight to why you should feel embarrassed. After all, I read in Ecclesiastes how the life that we live here on Earth is meaningless. When I was so confused and was at home for Winter Break with my family, I began to sit down and open up the Bible. I think it answered my confusion. Somehow the idea that life is meaningless has so much meaning to me. It makes me question. Why should I let people's criticisms or even my own affect me so much that it could lead to depression? Why should I care about what people think when in the end, their opinions of what the world is all about eventually turns into dust with them as they age and die anyhow? I will die one day. But today I live. Let us cherish today and not worry so much about the past or the future.

The future was never in our hands. Something that we call 'future' could have always been a 'today' for God.