Completely Enthralled

I'm trying to read an article on Clive Wearing, and I feel anxious. I think it's because I think something may be too long and that I'm not sure if I am capable of understanding what I am reading. But I keep thinking about facebook or some way to vent something out of me. I feel so disturbed that I cannot even read properly or comprehend what it is that I am reading. This is annoying!

I hate that people put money first. I hate that children have to go to through all different types of suffering because their parents think about themselves more. Sacrifices....what does it mean to sacrifice?

OK. Back to the article. Anyway, a really nice conversation was held between Clive and his wife, Deborah. They're a really cute couple together, because though they have difficulties trying to hold onto one another with what they have, they still do so. Basically, this guy cannot remember about his past and has nothing about his present either. So he lives in seclusion every few mins or so, because he cannot recall anything about his life or even when he last woke up; he thinks he is awaken every time he literally cannot remember anything. It's very sad. But he's scared, too, and very confused. I would be scared. He feels like he's dead every time he becomes "awaken" again. It makes me wonder just how interesting life is. I mean, what life really is, or just how incredibly fragile. So fragile. So fragile.. hmm.
Conversation between Clive and Deborah:
 “Have they found life on Mars yet?”
“No, darling, but they think there might have been water . . .”
“Really? Isn’t it amazing that the sun goes on burning? Where does it get all that fuel? It
doesn’t get any smaller. And it doesn’t move. We move round the sun. How can it keep
on burning for millions of years? And the Earth stays the same temperature. It’s so finely
balanced.”

This quote is pretty interesting:

"The hearing of a melody is a hearing with the melody. . . . It is even a condition of
hearing melody that the tone present at the moment should fill consciousness entirely,
that nothing should be remembered, nothing except it or beside it be present in
consciousness. . . . Hearing a melody is hearing, having heard, and being about to hear,
all at once. . . . Every melody declares to us that the past can be there without being
remembered, the future without being foreknown."

The reason why I mention the quote above is because there is something about the way melody is described that I feel that music is connected to God. Either music or rhythm. Something about rhythm indicates life, it breathes out life. Life cannot prosper without something heaving or moving. Action. There is action taking place. Takes place now. Future or past, it is with us presently.

I really want to talk about this:  It is the “now” that bridges the abyss. The guy Clive Wearing does not remember anything and he feels like he's lost in the the abyss. But something obviously pulls him back and awakens him. It is love and music. Love.. his love for his wife allows him to 'continue'. This to me is brilliant and incredibly wonderful. Blessed are those who know love. Blessed are those who can feel again. Blessed is the light in which we wake into. Blessed are those who can continue.

I don't know why, but Clive's story intrigues me so much. There is something about what he's going through that summons a belief that it out of a human being's capacity to understand. God are you there? Where are you?

I know that I'm rambling. Jumping from word to word. Thinking. This is crazy.

Here is the entire paragraph from which I took the 'now' quote from:
It has been twenty years since Clive’s illness, and, for him, nothing has moved on. One
might say he is still in 1985 or, given his retrograde amnesia, in 1965. In some ways, he
is not anywhere at all; he has dropped out of space and time altogether. He no longer has
any inner narrative; he is not leading a life in the sense that the rest of us do. And yet one
has only to see him at the keyboard or with Deborah to feel that, at such times, he is
himself again and wholly alive. It is not the remembrance of things past, the “once” that
Clive yearns for, or can ever achieve. It is the claiming, the filling, of the present, the
now, and this is only possible when he is totally immersed in the successive moments of
an act. It is the “now” that bridges the abyss.

Is everyone here on Earth struggling to find a continuum as we all speak? Apparently a lot of people on this earth do, since they try to make up their own reasons for why they are living. Our culture fills us with material things, and I do not need to explain this to anyone, because I know that everyone is using something to make their lives easier. We have technology. We want to continue.... right? I  mean, we must want to or else we would not dare to stop eating/finding food, dressing ourselves the way that we want to for warmth or style, finding/meeting people so that we don't feel so along.....etc.

I don't know why, but I'm enthralled.