I stayed outside late last night and sort of followed a limping cat. Maybe that was not the greatest idea but I sort of wanted to pick it up to nurture it. So anyway, that's not the point. Point is, I ended up encountering a friend from a classmate, who I've always said "Hi" to but did not know him very well or really at all because I followed the cat. Strange story, I know. I never found the cat anyway.
Basically, he and I traded knowledge. Whatever I learned, I told him. I really did. He also told me some things about himself and his perspectives, too, which I really liked and enjoyed a lot. From me, a great deal of information was thrown at him. I found myself just wanting to let him know about stuff that I think he should know so that he could view things in a different light. He ended up listening to me. You know, it's always great to have people listen to you. Problem is that I used to talk about myself in a way that whenever the conversation ended between me and that person, I would feel guilty afterwards. I think I felt that way because I tended to say things that doesn't seem true or mean very much. I truly felt that I spoke only of the irritations that I was undergoing--problems that no one could solve. I was taking up people's time, and neither me nor that person gained very much afterwards. There was nothing special about what I had to say. Yet, I realize now that I've always had problems with my mind and have tried so especially hard to fix it. I don't have any problems medically besides being allergic to dust or that I might have a heart murmur. Who knows. I don't exercise that frequently--though I know that I should.
Anyway, I started to ask him about his background, because I guess I wanted to see where he was coming from with God and his beliefs on the religion. I find myself doing that because there is no better way to get to know someone or understand God better than talking to his very creation--us and ourselves--the human beings!
He actually gave me hope because when I talked to him, his reactions interested me. I thought that they were interesting because he was so opened to listening. It was great. I've encountered very few people who share the same perspectives as me, and I think he was one of those kinds. We ended up talking for more than an hour and all that we talked of was on God. There apparently is so much to talk about when it comes down to God, and I don't need to feel awkward when I know that that person is listening; many times, we each have some understanding of life versus God which we are so compelled to share with the people around us if only they could save us some time. Lately, I haven't been able to talk to people very much--not in that way--so I was happy I could do so with him.
He tells me that he now know that he loves to talk to people, because he tends to learn a lot from them. I agree. I learned a lot from asking people, and from spending time with them discussing some topics on life. The time that I spend with these people helped me to really get a grip on reality. And even though many times we hear that God is ultimately about love, I know that he is also about knowledge. Without him, I don't think science or nature or life in general would make very much sense. Through him, I can piece things together.
I remember my roommate telling me that "you're trying so hard to figure out yourself and your identity, but I don't think I need to do that. I'm just going with the flow and living life". I didn't really say anything back to her, not in a way that would offend her, because I understand by now that I must respect the choices that she makes. The reason is that each of us are capable of understanding it in our own way--but listening is good, too. Listening helps us to see and test our way of thinking. I find that this is good, because we need to question how we think and inquire where it is that these thoughts all come from. If not, I don't know if we can spiritually or mentally move anywhere or get to greater heights in terms of appreciating life (in generally and the life in which we live) for what it really is.
My choice, however, is to figure out who I am because my all my life, I never knew. I actually don't know very much about myself, because I never gave myself the chance. This is why I must start now. I can't let these things slide past me any further. My motive to finding out who I am through God is so that I can help more people. I'm pretty sure I won't have the time to sit down and talk about God one on one with some random person or friends, but what I mean is that when you help yourself (even if you don't know of God yet), you're really doing your neighbor a favor by taking responsibility. For example, if you had a really noisy neighbor who just parties all the time or simply have a bad attitude towards people, you tend to dislike that person and would not want to trust him or her with anything that you have. Furthermore, you'd probably prefer move (out of town, city, or state!) especially if communication becomes problematic. But it doesn't need to be that way. Each of us need to begin with ourselves. I learned from talking to a professor that we are ones who can control our reactions. Before, of course, I knew that we could. But in the end, I didn't practice it at all, so when he told me that, I looked at him as if he said something so new and original. Controlling your reactions really mean that when someone verbally accuses you or that maybe they don't do something that appeals to you, you don't go and bring them down. No. You just don't. Why? Because that creates more problems, and more unnecessary violence. Trust me, we have enough (or more than enough) and it needs to end. It just has to. Like CandyLand, the piece that symbolizes you must be picked up by you; and God will help you along the way as He will bring the fortune that you so desire.
So yeah, if anything, know that you are forever loved by the Creator. He wants us to renew our minds, and for us to let Him inside of our lives. All that we need to do is invite Him in as our beloved guest into our own cozy home--no matter how disturbing or messy it may be. He doesn't look at us in a way that we tend to look at each other; He doesn't judge us in a way that we judge our friends or families; and He came down to save us--something that we need to consider. He want us to live. After all, isn't that the point in saving a life, or a soul? It may sound far-fetched that each of us means something to God, but I believe that He does love us. And if we really love Him back (just like we would any parent) we need to ourselves. After all, the body in which we dwell come from our parents, and without them, there would be no us.
So keep an open heart and mind. He's right there and is waiting to be called upon. He loves us. :)
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