Dear Sister

Dear sister,

I keep thinking about you. I'm sad that I have caused great pains during the last few years when I have been living with you and the family. You kept telling me that I somehow changed and that I don't pay too much attention to you guys or the family anymore. I remember how you were mad at me because I forgot about you. I think that you love me, or at least care for me. Though we've always been sort of jealous creatures, I think on the side, we still look out for each other no matter what. I would like to do that for you. I'd like to protect you when you feel like no one can understand you. I would like to be that shoulder when you need to rest your weary head. Sister, do you believe that I have changed? Can you forgive me? I'm trying very hard to do better. If you don't believe me or still cannot trust me, I'd like to do all that I can to regain that trust. Though there will always be something which I will not agree with, I will respect your decisions. You are old enough to understand what is going on. However, you are still young, and so am I. I still need help and I want to let you know that you can ask for help. I wish I was good enough to be there for you.

Honestly, when you push me away, I'm really hurt. I guess I understand how you feel by now. After all, I chose to push you away, too. The feeling is like a knife to the heart, tearing away at everything dear to me. I think I know how you feel, sister. Do you believe me? Do you believe that I can get hurt too? That I love you? I know that our family aren't very big on "love" or saying it to one another. But we're all trying to prove that it exists. I think it does.

I know that you now are in a relationship and you find him to be more deserving of your attention, but don't forget us, your family. We were here even before he existed. Though you believe that he understands you now and that only he can make you feel good, he won't be the only one in your life. Do not desert or neglect those who do care for you. Please don't forget us. Though you might not want to hear it now, but I still need to let you know that most of your peers at your age are still growing. Their frontal lobe (the part of the brain behind your forehead) has not fully grown yet. That's why you often see people acting "immature". No one at your age is fully mature and are most likely to make a lot of dangerous mistakes if they are not cautioned. I'm not even mature yet! Most people on this earth aren't either. Therefore, guard your heart--guard it in a way that you can still let people in but don't let them ever to take advantage of everything that is you.

Do you know that boys are more likely to think about the physical part of girls before they really think about getting to know them or if they can understand what loving a girl really means? Girls, on the other hand, tend to be the more sensitive side; we often use our feelings and if we concentrate too much on one part of the "good" feeling, we'll probably be pulled heavily and blindly into the zone of the unknown--into the world that will leave you feeling vulnerable. Believe me, I've been there before. I remember how blind I was. You might say that I don't understand, but what if what I'm saying is true? Will you still ignore me, even though you now know? God gave his children physical sensations in order to fully be aware of the life in which they live. Without it, we would not be able to protect ourselves from being burnt; and without it, we would probably not know what happiness is. Do not take all that you see for granted; and do not believe everything by sight.

Please, please, give yourself time to grow and learn. If he is someone that you are happy with, then don't keep pushing all of your hopes on him. In other words, don't depend heavily on him for your emotional support. He's still only a teenager just like you and you both need time to grow. Because if you do, you will both get hurt when things start to not go your way or his way. The world is only getting bigger as you head to college. Once you do, you will begin to meet more people and you will see many great sights. Believe me....I am going through it now. Whatever you are experiencing now is not forever, because God will bless you with more things to come. After all, he sees you for you and know what you want deep inside of your heart, even when you do not reveal it to him.

I'm sorry but I don't want to see you like any of the other girls whose parents never were able to stop them from being crazy and going out and having sex with random guys. Most of the time, teens as young as twelve become pregnant with their first newborn; and usually these babies are born mentally retarded, physically handicapped and without any financial aid to care for them. This is life. Human beings are capable of reproduction. I even heard that we are the reproductive machines--that that's our function! Can you imagine? We're meant to all reproduce so that as a human population, we overall will be able to thrive. But look at the world now, how miserable are they as the resources are beginning to reduce, and how many children are suffering because they are born without nutrition or their caretaker. These unfortunates suffer because they do not know--because they do not understand how strong sexual impulses can be. I wanted to wait until you are old enough, but I do have a story to tell about the many times that I have fallen greatly.

Sometimes, all that I ever want to do is to let you know that you're all that I want as a sister and more. You both mean so much to me. I can never replace you guys with anyone else in the world. I've listened to people talk about how they don't have family, or how they have witnessed all sorts of abuse, or that they've been thrown out into the streets due to multiple factors (religion, finance, culture, morality, etc). I don't need you to think any better of me right now, but I would like for you to forgive me. Even if you don't want me around, I will be there for you for as long as I live. I only want to see you become stronger emotionally and spiritually.

There's more to life than just looks and clothings. You are only seventeen, and soon you will be eighteen. Mom has tried her best to teach you how to think. I know her words can be rough and sometimes you don't want to listen, but how many times has she really hurt us? She's protected us more than anything. She's given us life where other parents could not. Aren't we blessed? Mom is the only working parent and our guardian. She's given up her life just for us. I am beginning to understand the huge sacrifice that she is making for us. If you think about it, how many people will be willing to live without pleasurable things that the world offers? Do you see how many people are likely to do drugs and get drunk? You might not see that now, but in the real world, human beings can fall easily to the lies and deceits. We are sinful creatures. I know that you love mom. Lately, I've realized how short life can be. I'm happy that mom is getting her exercise. She deserves to be happy. I love to see her smile. I even love your crazy ways as you yell in the darkness of the night in the parking lot as we're coming out of the restaurant "BOOOOOoooOOoKKkk".. Hehe.

As I quietly look from a distance, I see that our baby sister is starting to become more and more like you. She dresses and talks like you. In other words, she is copying you in many ways. I realize now how vulnerable children are as they are growing up. Mom was right when she said that I needed to act and be the sister that you might want me to be so that you will have a good example to look up to. I messed up. I know. But you will see that it was not entirely my fault. I wasn't the quickest to learn and I wasn't the best listener.

Therefore, that is my advice to you. I am going to pray that you will listen to mom and hopefully to me if we get a chance to talk more. I'm praying that you will begin to open up to me. I will pray that I will know how to treat you better and the words that come out of my mouth will help you and not hurt you. I am praying for patience in me. Lastly, I pray that you will come to know God. God created you and He knows that you are beautiful--that you are His beloved child.

I pray that we will be a happy family and that we'll always stick together forever. I love you guys. I really do. <3