Lent 2011 Is About The Idea of Worth, or Better Yet, Worthlessness

So I'm thinking about fasting. I received a PDF from a friend about lent fasting. You know, I always wanted to do this sort of thing. This certainly would make me feel like I'm doing this for a good cause. There's nothing really bad about fasting; it's just that maybe you would have to find a way to get to the food that you need to eat and sacrifice the foods that you used to eat (such as meat, and well, many other tasty treats). Only fruits, vegetables, and water will suffice. Hope this all goes well. I enjoy drinking water on a daily basis anyway, so that won't change too much for me. I wonder if I can get some milk though; I need more calcium. Other than that, this will definitely be a challenge as I try to be more healthy and pray during the day so that I be more humble. I hope that I will get closer to God and build the relationship that I've been yearning for since the start of this school year.

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Worthlessness to me is feeling as though we're incapable, inadequate, incomplete, unfruitful, disgusting, shameful, unwanted, shunned, detested, invaluable, and lastly, not worthy of God's love or anyone for that matter.

From Dictionary.com, "worthless" means:
–adjective

without worth;  of no use, importance, or value; good-for-nothing: a worthless person; a worthless contract.

I see a key word here that I keep hearing over and over again through worth, and that word is "value". I learned something yesterday that as people we often place value on objects. This response to objects often leads us to judge and place value on other people as well. I'm sure every one of us can think of a time when we value a person or when we devalue them. Worse comes to worse, we would put a price on them. Think about those who have been enslaved. The United States history tells us of the slave trade and the horrific aftermath as war and racial differences burst out into violence. Worth. Are you worth more because of your skin color? Well, guess what, my skin color tells me that I can stay in the sun longer than most other fair skin people. Yeah.... I guess you could say that I'm worth more. Okay, I'm totally joking around. I know how most people think when it comes down to this issue of racism and prejudices. I've been there before. I am Asian, but I am no different from a "white", "black", "brown" or "red" person. I find it sort of amusing to call each group a color. I'm GREEN! Well, I wish I was green--that's like my favorite color. :)

Anyway, I listened to a friend speak just yesterday about worth. He advices the young group of individuals, as we were all sitting around in a ring of chairs, that we are worth more than we can ever believe ourselves to be. After all, we are worth so much that Jesus died on the cross just for us! I never got to personally know him, but wow, that blows me away to know that he died for people like you and me. He did it for everyone and he never thought about your skin color or background when died on the cross. We are all human beings. Aren't we? (I hope I'm not the alien that the UFO so fondly speaks of.) I think my friend is right here when he says that we are more worthy than we can ever believe ourselves to be. On a daily basis, we listen to people around us and are oftentimes influenced by what they say or do. For example, I know that when I hear someone talk about how their exam grade was really high, I begin to judge myself and value my worth based on my grade--which I look to to explain my class performance. As a result, I don't feel very good afterwards and look at myself as "worthless". I placed value on myself through my letter or number grade. That's rough. But don't you hear people say that "It's not over" or how "It's only the beginning"? Well, from experience I can tell you that I am very hard on myself, but I still keep going, because I understand that I can overcome one poor grade. I have had many poor grades so far in my life--either that may be in school or out of school. In other words, I mean to say that I have received negative criticisms before (and I'm sure everyone has been through it). We start to devalue ourselves because of what people say, or of a letter grade. Some people cannot stand the upsetting news and this results to a violent pathway in their life. Don't give up. Please, don't. If you can't find reasons as to why you shouldn't give up, then start speak up and ask around or stay still and observe those who are more unfortunate than you. Seek out the truth and you will find light.

I was having a very hard time trying to deal with a personal issue on sexuality yesterday. I tell you these things because I am aware of its effects, so do not judge me, but read on and listen to what your heart is telling you. I don't know about you, but I believe that it is a big issue that we all face every day as we encounter all types of advertisements decreeing our worth in the name of physical appearances. I've actually been pulling in and out of God's grasp. I really want Him but I have all these earthly desires that is keeping me away from Him. The thing that helped me immensely as I was trying to hold onto my sanity was when I decided to read about sex trafficking. This slave trade is ever growing and a plethora of people are suffering because of it; families are destroyed; deaths arises; and many dreams faded or are lost. I even read or listened to the fact that half of the people that are bought and sold consist of children. That is scary. Children are not meant to be slaves. I also read about the women as young as seventeen years of age who were stolen from their own home and forced to have sex with many men (where 10-13 men a day was considered normal!) Normal??! How? Did these women asked to be deprived of their virginity or their dignity for that matter? Why are we as a society so enclosed to only physical and bodily concerns? Why do we focus so much on pleasure even when they are only momentary? Drugs are the same thing. We are so hooked onto these pleasurable feelings that the brain gives off through the actions of many hormones and neurotransmitters. Well, if life is basically just about getting what you want through sex then yeah, a lot of people will get hurt. This is a form of corruption and whoever supports the slave trade or are responsible for it knows that this is true. Many lives have been made miserable. Only a few have survived or even made a life for themselves after their recovery. 

Through all of these readings, I learned something. The difference between looking at porn or thinking of/listening to sexual activities and defining each person's worth, and the sex trafficking IS the presence of TRUTH or the lack thereof. Truth is important, especially when people are searching for change in society through all of its corruptness. Think about Martin Luther King, Jr. He stood for truth as he fought against discrimination and injustices. What about Mahatma Ghandi? MLK followed Ghandi's footsteps. From reading Ghandi's biography, I understand that he fought against all sorts of injustices through the practice of satyagraha, which means "truth force". Why use truth to battle against these sort of evils? There's a reason, and it's a powerful one: the truth is light. It breaks up and scatters the darkness, because the truth will spread and it will be heard even if you don't want to hear about it--even if you don't want to know of it. 

Through history, it is shown that many people have tried to lie to protect themselves, but you know what, these lies can never protect you. You may have avoided any public humility but inside of your hearts, there is great shame and guilt. Believe me, I understand that very well. Your mind can become your worst nightmare. I'm still trying to cope with mine, clean it through the Words of God, and find my happiness in life as I continue to build my relationship with my Father.

I ask one thing: Challenge yourself to give up something earthly and see how that will change you.

God bless you! <3