Rambling

I don't think that I can sleep very well tonight. I took a nap 3 hours ago and recently woke up, and made some food. It's now 3:34AM from my computer. I haven't been very aware with the time today. I know that it changed to be one hour ahead. Well, I don't know much of a difference one hour will make but most people are complaining about the change.

Anyway, I don't know if I can sleep just yet. I'd like to write about my day with the teens at the shelter. I have to say that it was a really amazing experience. I wish I could get to know these teenagers better. They each went through a lot. I see great potential in them though. Each of them truly has something to give. They're not nobodies. They are all somebodies. I hope that I would get more chances with them in any way that I can.

I should work harder so that I can find more time to do things for people while also myself. I wonder if that is possible.

I like this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_pnFhFjNtY&feature=relmfu
It's what I'm listening to right now. I love that she can sing about something that people talk about all the time but seem to kind of stop because they no longer believe in themselves and their dreams.

Sometimes I think too much that I do belittle myself and then I don't want to open my mouth anymore because I believe that nothing good can come out of it. Are my expectations still way too high for me to handle? Why do I keep speaking for someone else? Do I even understand what they were thinking of me? I wish someone could keep telling me that it's okay to be wrong and that it's okay to make up stories once in a while. I don't mean to lie. I have such a bad memory. I wonder if I am losing it. I want to be a kid again. I want to relax and fool around like I used to. I didn't have to think much of anything else and I wouldn't have to worry about what people thought of me. There was no need. I had my own world of make-believe. I lived in my own fantasy world. I'm really good at imagining events and how things could be. I can "see" things inside of my head.

God,
Though today I said that I know you believe in me and my worth, I am feeling unworthy right now. I look at other more unfortunate people and I say that they need you more than I do. I think that I'm okay--at least I think so. But in my heart, I don't think that I can do anything without you. I want to hold your hand, because I still am only a child. I need some comfort.

Please, I need help. Could You take away my unpleasant thoughts? Maybe they are not that unpleasant but I can't seem to concentrate or do anything productive. Sorry. It's my fault, I know. I am responsible for these thoughts that come into my head. But God, maybe I'm just acting this way because I know that I need You greatly in my life. Maybe I'm being so dependent on You because I see you as my Savior.

I guess I should sleep soon. I know how lack of sleep can hurt me mentally.

Father, thank you for today.